by Claquesous » Mon Apr 28, 2008 3:07 pm
Your long posts are Too weak!
I once pissed off Suranx when I told him that I wouldn't beat myself up if anyone left the shell as long as it wasn't Aelfwise. Suranx seemed upset that I would play favourites like that, but the point is I am human and I am closer to some people than others. I can't keep track of everyone in the shell and ensure that they're happy. I beat myself up pretty hard when Kolob left, and when Estarie left. (It was Esty's departure that brought about this discussion with Suranx.) I tried to explain to Suranx that I was being unfair to myself by taking it so hard. I've done the best that I can do to communicate how I feel, but if someone isn't on the linkshell when I say it, they won't hear it. Just like if I'm not on the LS when someone asks for help, I won't hear it. I made an exception out of Aelfwise because I consider him my best friend in game, and not too far down my overall list including people I've actually met. I almost never directly tell anyone how I feel about them. I try to show how I feel through my actions and the way I treat them. If my best friend here doesn't understand that, then there's a serious flaw in my whole life philosophy and that would upset me indeed.
What I hadn't expected in my hypothetical with Suranx was that everyone would leave at once. That hurt. It broke my heart, and made me depressed. I've gone through several stages through the last week from denial to anger to sadness. The great support I've gotten from Alira, Aelfwise, and Lummox has helped me pull through and I'm feeling better now, but it still hurts. I told them I wouldn't static yesterday because it hurt too much to play with Mayous. When Mayous sent me a tell around 1pm asking if the static was on, my heart skipped a beat. I eventually decided that my being a sentimental wuss was unfair to Aelf, Jerik, and Alira so I partied anyway, but I was quieter than normal and I committed myself to leaving early from the start. It turned out pretty well.
I think some people may have been spoiled by how well we've helped in the past. My own achievement roll is rather spotty. I've been playing a few hours a day practically every day for almost three years now. I have still to finish any mission storyline other than the starter missions. Of my significant accomplishments, I got Rank 10 Bastok via Piraya dragging me through, OHat was via shout, sky on Claq was via shout, sky on Mont was mostly an LS thing, I got my first AF2 piece at 64. I don't even remember when I got the final AF piece. I may have been 68. Claq's LB1 took all of three kills from Piraya, Tehya, and Tec. I soloed my LB3. I also soloed most of LB3 on Mont. My other characters' LBs and AFs were mostly help from Alira, Aelfwise, and others. I remember dragging along others for Mont's and Babet's LB2. Gueu's LB's were a bit more rushed because he would be holding up the static. I joined my first sky LS under the impression that about five others from the shell would join too. (Sadly, I didn't quit when that didn't pan out.) If I had to give one reason why I joined my new sky shell, I'd have to say Jerik. If I had to give two, I'd say Kirin's Osode, but I promptly gave my second reason to my first as soon as I'd gotten it. I greatly appreciate all the help I've gotten, but there have been times in the past where WanderingSoulz couldn't help me. There are still a ton of things I'd like to do that I haven't. I can't tell you how many times I've waited for someone to catch up to me for a mission or for experience points only to see them zip right past me. It hurts, but I just wait for the next person to come along in the hopes that they'll let me join them.
If anyone feels 2nd class they should take heart from the examples of Jerik and Alira. Before our Sunday static started, they both probably felt second class too. Now, I can't really imagine life without them. I think there's also a big difference between some of our members. I play alone, so I need the Linkshell. Some people play with quite a few friends. I've always counted on Hakku to make sure Petal, Vilec, and Harem are happy and on Desolation to ensure Hatsumomo and Yasashiku were happy. Of the people that left, I'm probably most upset at Hakku because I feel he let me down in that respect. Finally, probably 75% of this game is end game. It's hard to make everyone feel included when they just aren't eligible to do most of the things that some of our members have worked very hard to be able to do. This is no one's fault. It's just the way the game was designed.
So what's the conclusion of this monster post? I honestly don't know. In fact I'm hesitant to even post it but I suppose my boss would be upset if he knew I wasted three hours of my work day only to delete what I wrote. I suppose my conclusion is that this game has a lot to offer, and I'd like to try it all, but I don't think any accomplishment is worthwhile unless I accomplish it with my friends. I'm sorry if I haven't communicated this well.
Claquesous 3052 Damage 12/21/07
Montparnasse 3120 1/15/09
Babet 1766 9/17/08
Gueulemer 1170 6/8/08
Exp: 621 (Chain #1 solo IT +KS). 1/11/07